Coulisse’s Blog

Sadly, I believe the world is indeed headed for hell.
._____.

But really, it is. I know it is. The world is so screwed up right now, soon it’ll be beyond repair. It’s terrible. And for some reason, I never fully got a grasp on our situation until I listened to this song. My eyes are being opened a lot these days, and really, it kinda sucks. I feel like crap right now. Really, I do. I dunno… just ignore my bad mood. Things aren’t necessarily right at the moment, and I hate to say it, but right now I feel that my only escape is through writing my poetry (which reminds me, I gotta post some of it here) and writing my story. Not the one on dA, but the one that I’m writing for fun/to publish. It takes place in some remote universe with oil lamps and swords and kings and blah blah blah. Really, I think that it helps me feel better that I’ve created a world that isn’t so screwed up like ours. Though there’s still evil, there isn’t all the crap in our world.

Well, wouldja look at that, it’s a small rant now!
Heh, now I’m gonna go write poetry like the emo I’m not.
…. Then again, I could rant on how stupid labelers are…nah. I’ll save that one for a rainy day.

Whooo! YET another rant we have here today.

Okay, so somethings are kinda screwed up right now, so I’m feeling a bit down, retreating to my…. darker side. And my mom is kinda freaked and all, thinking I’m kinda anti-social. Well, to top things off, this guy that I’ve liked, has liked me. For a while. Probably as long as I’ve liked him. I don’t feel like explaining the whole thing, but basically, now he has a girlfriend, and he says that he won’t break up with her. I just wish that he had asked me out, but he said that he tried to talk to me, but… I don’t think I really let him. One of the many mistakes I’ve made. I just wish…. that I could go back into time and change it all. I wish that the secret about me kinda liking someone never got out. UGH. And I think it’s mostly my friend’s fault…. Let’s not tell her I said that…. Anyway, things have not been going so great lately, and I couldn’t sleep last night, so I stayed up, just kinda…. pacing my room. Then I just had a sudden inspiration to write a verse of a poem or something, next thing I know, I’m crying. The tears drip down my cheeks to the page, and smuge the ink lines. After about ten minutes, I stop and sigh. Really, it felt good to get it all out.

But that’s not the rant. It is but an introduction. Now, I’m starting to get moderately pissed at a friend. First, she was like, “It’s not good to change yourself for a guy!” I got mad at her, then slowly realized that I was kinda, but it was subconcious. Now, she’s like, “You’re too emo!” Which I am in no way. Her: “Starting on November 1st, we’re redoing your wardrobe!” And I’m just like, “WTF?!”

See, I don’t want to change! I’m perfectly fine with the way I currently am! Sure, I wear black, and I have a double grommitt belt, and I wear chucks, and half-cover one eye with hair, and wear a checkered wristband, but REALLY! Otherwise, I am content with my look. She wants to change me. I’m not going to let that happen. No freaking WAY. I like my “dark look”. I feel most comfortable with it than with other types of clothing (such as Areopastel, American Eagle, Hollister, etc.), and frankly, I’m not materialistic. Besides, I can still be calm and cool, then sometimes I’m super hyper, stupid, and absentminded. I can also be very oblivious. Seriously, I don’t think I want to change right now. Sure, I might make friends that are a little like me, but also friends that aren’t much like me, but can accept me for who I am. In fact, that’s all I ever really wanted. For my friends to accept me for who I am. Well, that’ s what I really want, not including getting my book published…. heh heh…. *cough*

So, that’s all for now. I think. Feels a little better to get it out. Kinda.